I went to my weekly meeting last night. The first since returning from Italy. I sat thinking I wanted to share something. I haven’t spoken at an AA meeting yet, and wanted to share how well I did, staying sober in Italy. I thought it all through in my head, how I avoided the free wine offered on the plane over, the bottles and bottles passed in front of me at the Italian restaurants, passing on the drinks at the pool each evening. And of course, don’t forget the business class treatment on the flight home! I wanted to tell everyone how excited I was to find a package waiting for me at home with my “fuck you wolfie” bracelet from Belle. I wanted to tell all of them what it meant and let them know how well I was doing on day 69. Yes, I had so much to share.
The theme didn’t really match up with my story, but I figured I could work it in there somehow. The meeting did not flow as it normally does. Usually, the room sits silent until someone decides to speak (that is when I planned to speak up). Instead, the first speaker called on a friend, who called on another friend, who called on another, etc. etc. Till the end when the last speaker said “anyone else want to share?”
I couldn’t do it. I could not speak about my success over the past two weeks. I had just heard the most depressing stories. Heads were hanging low as they told how they still struggle each day, taking the bus to rehab, no insurance, single parents with alcoholic abusive ex’s, funerals, illness…..I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t talk about passing on wine offered to me in Business Class!
Perhaps the meeting changed last night for a reason. Perhaps I just needed to be a listener last night. I need to reflect.