That is my word of the day. My mind is full. I won’t call it stress. It’s just full and I need to empty it a bit and calm myself. I’ve been dealing with some weird health symptoms (lightheadedness, mostly) and am trying to determine how much is this new sober life I’ve adopted. If those symptoms are temporary, then so be it. If not…well I need to find that out as well.
Maybe I’ve taken on too much at once. In the excitement of going AF for approx. 115 days, I’ve also been able to change my health habits quite a bit. I’ve lost about 15 pounds, I no longer need the heartburn meds, and my doctor has just removed all of my blood pressure meds (apparently alcohol raises BP and my meds have brought that number down too low). I have weaned myself off of the antidepressants I’ve taken for more than 20 years. So my medicine cabinet holds only an 81 mg. aspirin, a fish oil capsule, and a multi-vitamin. Wow. 60 years old and I no longer take RX meds. That’s great news. But I feel different. I’m not always nice anymore. I’m not the Stepford wife that my husband is used to. The antidepressants always kept me on an even equator and now I have more emotions. Not necessarily bad emotions – just emotions. I feel things now. My brain is changing. And I’m AF for the first time since I was 16 years old. I don’t recognize myself. I feel like a blank canvas.
I want to simplify my life. I want to unplug from technology and live in the woods and pick mushrooms. I’ve begun cooking difficult recipes and baking things from scratch. I’ve never done that before. I’m reading whole books and remembering the plots.
I want to stop spending money on stuff I don’t need. But mostly, I want to stop making lists in my head of all these changes I’d like to make. I just want to relax and enjoy each day and simplify my life.