No Resolutions for Me

Each year the list would look the same.

1) Quit drinking
2) Increase exercise
3) Try acrylic painting
4) Cook healthy meals
5) Read more novels
6) Save money

Not this year. No resolutions this year.  I have checked #1 off the list and everything else fell into place.  I have the energy to exercise, I read (and remember) more novels, I do something new for myself each week.  I can’t think of a thing that I need to wait for January 1, 2014 to accomplish.  From now on, when I want to change something or try something new I don’t need to look at a calendar to schedule when it will happen.  I only have to do one thing every day for the rest of my life.  I need to remain sober.  After that…my world is open to all things new and great.

I hope you all have a very happy, sober new year!

Hugs!

Trish

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A Christmas Message to You

We are getting ready to head up to Michigan to be with our daughter and grandchildren for Christmas.  I plan to build snowmen and play games and eat cookies and enjoy my first sober Christmas in 45 years.  I have so much to be grateful for.  I realized today that this never would have happened had it not been for all of you out there to give me the support and the understanding that I needed.  I used to think I could do it alone and that is why it never happened.  I thank God for putting all of you in my life.  I asked Him for help…and He gave me YOU.

Merry Christmas and a very Happy Sober New Year to All!

Six Months Sober

Yesterday I celebrated six months without guilt.  Yes, I have been sober for six months.  I didn’t celebrate six months without alcohol, but rather, six months without guilt.  I think that was the biggest emotion I felt while I was drinking.  Guilt that I was hiding a secret, guilt that I was out of control, guilt that I just couldn’t make a decision and stick with it.  

I remember feeling this emotion when I quit smoking 30 years ago.  It was so freeing.  At the time, I didn’t realize that alcohol had the same hold on me.  Drinking replaced smoking and I was so pleased with myself when I threw away the cigarettes that I didn’t realize I was just exchanging one poison for another.

Now both poisons are out of my system and I don’t believe I have any others to discard.  I’m a blank canvas now.  Free to make good, healthy decisions for myself.  It’s such a great feeling.  

Party’s Over

Whew…it was just as I had expected.  Flat.  Sat and watched the party go on around me.  I was an observer.  My own fault of course.  I don’t do more than the occasional “how’s the family” type of chat.  I have nothing in common with the guests other than we’ve known each other for years and they come to my house for an annual party.  Without my excitement over the continuous flow of wine, there was nothing.  Just waited for it to be over and they all left. 

So, I’ve realized I need to change my attitude. If I want to be a hostess, I need to learn how to enjoy the company of others.  How to talk with them and really care about how their family is.  How to share stories about my family, assuming they are interested.  I need to find something of interest to talk about and share.  Books, art, recipes, sports?  I was listening to their conversations with each other and those were the subjects they talked about.

If I don’t figure this out, I’ll be a recluse in my own home.  Any thoughts?

Party Time

Tonight is my first sober Christmas party.  I mean MY party.  My husband and I host his company Christmas party at our house each year.  In the past we have had approx. 50 people show up.  It was a pretty easy party for me.  I just had to clean the house.  They all brought an appetizer or a dessert. We provided the drinks (wine, beer, soft).  Always a fun time that everyone looked forward to each year.  The last two hours of the party was a gift exchange called “white elephant gift exchange.”  For those who don’t know what that is, each person brings a gift (either a nice, new gift – or a silly used gift).  Drawing from a deck of cards, guests are called to the tree to pick a gift – or choose one from a guest that already opened one.  It gets more complicated as the evening goes on, but it’s hilarious and the silly gifts keep reappearing each year.  The most popular gifts that keep getting “stolen” are the bottles of wine and Crown Royal that are wrapped and placed under the tree.

I’ve always looked forward to this party.  Not because these are my closest friends and I have lots to talk about, but because the wine just keeps flowing and no one is paying attention to how much I drink.  I seldom have an embarrassment, although I’ve spilled plenty.  But with such a crowd – who wouldn’t spill, right?

Well, his company has been reorganized a bit and the party is very small this year.  Only about 14 will show.  Everything will be the same, but on a smaller scale.  So, I’m cleaning the house and wishing I could skip this one.  I’m not worried about drinking because I have no nagging desire.  I’m just worried that it will be a dud of a party.  I miss the excitement I used to feel.  I miss taking a glass of chardonney into the dressing room with me while I gussied up for the party.  I’m not chatty, and these are not my closest friends although they are really nice people.  I’d just rather be in my bedroom with a good book.  

Hmmm.  Didn’t expect to feel this way.

Breaking Habits

An interesting phenomenon is happening in my home.  Being my first holiday season sober, I am realizing how many habits I had that included a wine glass.  It really didn’t matter what was inside the wine glass, but there was something about that glass that pulled on me.

Decorating the house for Christmas.  I always waited till 4 or 5 pm to begin, so that I could have a nice glass of wine with me, along with the holiday music of course.  This year, I decorated in the morning and it felt very odd.  I still had the music, and I filled a regular drinking glass with orange juice.  Something was “off.”  Yesterday I was cooking dinner and found myself longing for that wine glass (not the alcohol, just the glass).  I had some leftover sparkling grape juice from Thanksgiving, so I poured the rest of it into a stemless chardonney glass.  It looked like chardonney, and it almost reached the top (which was a typical pour for me).  I looked at it for a long time. It looked so familiar.  It tasted awful…like the boxed wine I used to pour.  I sipped on it while I cooked…remembering.  It felt comforting, and took the edge off.  It didn’t matter that there was no alcohol in the glass.  It was just about the glass.  Interesting.

I don’t want to be one of those sober people that drinks  AF liquid in a wine glass just to fit in.  No…the wine glass has to go.  That habit needs to go.  It’s weird.