Yesterday I celebrated six months without guilt. Yes, I have been sober for six months. I didn’t celebrate six months without alcohol, but rather, six months without guilt. I think that was the biggest emotion I felt while I was drinking. Guilt that I was hiding a secret, guilt that I was out of control, guilt that I just couldn’t make a decision and stick with it.
I remember feeling this emotion when I quit smoking 30 years ago. It was so freeing. At the time, I didn’t realize that alcohol had the same hold on me. Drinking replaced smoking and I was so pleased with myself when I threw away the cigarettes that I didn’t realize I was just exchanging one poison for another.
Now both poisons are out of my system and I don’t believe I have any others to discard. I’m a blank canvas now. Free to make good, healthy decisions for myself. It’s such a great feeling.