I was in the middle of Saturday housework. Literally half-way through vacuuming when it hit me. I need to be more intentional. My goal to “Change Course Now” needs to be more than counting the days of sobriety. More than blogging and commenting and attending meetings and being all proud of myself. It’s more than filling my newly acquired sober time with piano and acrylics and new knitting stitches. Even more than deciding what fruit to put in my Pellegrino water. All of that is important, but now at 251 days, I need to know what my next step is.
It was a result of a phone call from my daughters on Valentine’s Day. My two daughters could not be more different from each other. The oldest is 32, divorced from a difficult ex-husband, mother of a ten year-old girl and six year-old boy, working very long hours and living in a newly purchased home near Detroit, Michigan. My youngest daughter is a 30 year-old, newly married to a darling husband, living in Atlanta, both with great jobs, no children, traveling whenever they want, having the time of their lives. She is a 7 year cancer survivor and loves every day of her life.
But she called her older sister on Thursday night and poured out her heart for an hour and a half, apologizing for not being more present in her life, for not being a good auntie, and being selfish with her time. Detroit sister was stunned and immediately called me to tell me the whole wonderful story.
So…that’s probably more than you needed to know, but it is the background to my epiphany while vacuuming this morning. I am just as selfish with my time as Atlanta daughter. I don’t put myself out for anyone. It’s just all about me. And that has to stop right here.
I remember year after year asking God to help me to quit drinking. Well, He directed me to the blogs that directed me to sobriety. I’m sure He’s just sitting up there waiting to see if I’m going to come through with all of those promises I made to Him. Was I going to come back to church on Sunday mornings? Was I going to find ways to help others in the community? Was I going to be a better wife, mother, daughter, grandmother, friend, neighbor? ( I’m sure I promised all of those things in my stupor). Or was I going to sit on my butt and check my phone app to see how many days I’ve acquired (251 today by the way).
He gave me a nudge while I was pushing my Dyson around. I felt it. I’m listening. I need to fill this new sober time with constructive activities that will touch others. I need to make some scones for the neighbor who is home with sick children this week. I need to do some “Facetime” with my grandchildren and ask them to read me a book. I need write to the friends I’ve made around the country on real stationery. I need to be more intentional. God gave me this opportunity.
But first I have to go finish vacuuming.