May I Interest You In A Wine Tonight?

So we’re at this fancy restaurant, ready to celebrate Valentine’s Day and the waiter (Scott) looks at me and says something like:
“May I suggest a white to start? This unattainable white contains angel sweat strained through diamond mesh into a platinum tureen hammered smooth by three former Presidents and the current Pope. Stored in an oak barrel made from the Tree of Life, bottled by billionaires, and poured into your glass by a scientist or poet. And Bob Dylan will personally watch you drink it.” (Cost for this bottle – approx. $50)

What Scott really meant was:
“We took a bunch of grapes and smooshed them and then they got kind of rotten, and we drained off the alcohol part and that’s the part we pour in this pretty glass” (taken from “Modern Drunkard Forum”)

I replied: “I’ll have a glass of cranberry juice with tonic and a slice of lime please.” Scott immediately turned his attention to my husband who listened intently to Scott’s suggestions. It was hilarious when you listen to it through sober ears.

We did have a lovely dinner. The steak was divine and the company was charming.

4 thoughts on “May I Interest You In A Wine Tonight?

  1. Love it love it love it. Poor Scott, the wait staff hears no alcohol and sees tips going down the drain. They should realize sober diners are happy people and usually quite generous tippers. Glad you enjoyed the meal.

  2. I absolutely LOVE this post! I laughed out loud. Smooshed, smooshed, smooshed. It reminds me of the I Love Lucy episode when she and Ethel are smooshing grapes with their feet. What a fantastic word!
    I am glad you went to dinner and had a nice time. Cranberry juice and tonic, nothing smooshed there 😉

  3. I just replace whatever they say in my head with… “This will taste awful like all wine, but will give you that buzz, so you’ll want a beer before the starter is over, be ordering your third before they clear the main course plates away and we’ll be lucky if you aren’t slugging back vodka whilst singing “Another one bits the dust” standing on top of the table before you get the bill for the evening.”

    “No thanks, I’ll just have a lime and soda thanks”….


  4. Pingback: the un-secret « Sober Identity ~ Reprogramming an Addictive Mind

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