A Blank Slate

That’s what I feel I have here.  A blank slate.  That’s what sobriety has offered me.  I have cleared the cloudy thoughts, eliminated the worries, doubts, procrastination, and have a clear view of endless possibilities.  Now I know what adults mean when they say to children, “you can do…you can be…anything in the world that you want.”  Well, too bad I waited till I was ready to collect social security before that realization became clear.  In any event, I have a blank slate to work with and I’d better get moving before it’s too late.

I’ve been reading several of your blogs with messages indicating that it may be time to move on, move away from the minute by minute sober evaluation.  Perhaps time to allow other thoughts and activities to fill the void.  Not suggesting total disconnect with sober blogging or group meetings, but maybe time to step out of the box a bit and spread our wings.  Are we ready?  It feels like most of those messages are coming from those of us coming upon our one year mark – or just beyond.  I listened to a Bubble Hour podcast today (a rerun actually) where co-host Lisa explained that she needed to break from the show and take care of family business that she’d put off while in her first year of recovery.  She explained that although recovery is still #1 on her list, she must step back a bit to be able to take on her family responsibilities with more energy.  I get that.  I’m feeling that.  I’m feeling more secure as I come upon my one year.  But I’m not giving up on my blogger friends.  You all understand me.  You are my soul mates.  I could tell you anything and you’ll understand.  My drinking friends/acquaintances don’t get me anymore.

Back to my blank slate.  I’m having a blast filling that in.  I’ve seen more changes in my life in this one year than I’ve had in…well, my whole life!  Important things like watching my youngest get married, taking my dream vacation to Italy, retiring after 45 years in the workforce. returning my hair to it’s natural color (that’s really a big deal for me!), getting off blood pressure meds and heartburn meds, committing to daily exercise and healthy eating, and did I mention I quit drinking? 

I was cleaning out a file folder of old health records the other day we when I came across a typed sheet of paper that I apparently planned to take along to a doctor appointment – 15 years ago, when I was 44 year old.  My kids would have been 14 and 12.  My list stated my age, 44; my weight, 160; height 5’8″; a family history of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure.  There was a list of my ailments to discuss:  waking during the night, waking with swollen joints, difficulty walking when I first awaken, heartburn, high blood pressure.  Then there was a wish list at the bottom:  Quit drinking, reduce caffeine intake (from 5-6 cups/day), exercise.  15 years ago the first thing on my wish list was to quit drinking.  The following was penciled in there as well:  “check liver function – am I hurting my liver?”    Wow…44 years old – and I know I was probably worried even before that, but I didn’t type it and print it out.

I remember talking to the doctor about that list.  She prescribed that drug that makes you vomit if you even get close to alcohol,  I filled it, but I didn’t take it. So, I am now 60, I weigh 150, I exercise daily, I no longer have high blood pressure or heartburn, I don’t wake during the night and I have no swollen joints or difficulty walking, and I probably drink 3 cups of coffee a day.  ALCOHOL…it was all ALCOHOL…

Take care, my friends.  I’m sticking close to all of you.  I depend on you and look forward to reading about you, your life, your recovery, every day.



9 thoughts on “A Blank Slate

  1. yes! Life and goodness often like to take the lead role when alcohol gets punted of center stage. We all go through that whole intense-at-first recovery mode, where we are picking at new forming scabs and scrutinizing everything in sight and checking in with ourselves and others every second.

    And then life edges in.

    We start to feel a little bit more centered, and things start to interest us (again) and life takes on a new complexion…and that’s the whole point of getting sober. To live life, isn’t it?

    Enjoy your time. Check in with us. Say hi. Leave a comment or two. Let us know what is keeping your spirit aflame 🙂


  2. Oh my sister, I’m am 5’81/2″ and 148 pounds, we could be twins. Unfortunately my natural color is now gray instead of brown but hey you can’t have everything. I was always afraid my liver function tests would come back wonky so I’d have to quit. Sadly they didn’t. I know I secretly wanted someone to make me stop,but better late than never. At least you had the guts to tell your doctor about the drinking, I lied .Love the post, love the blank slate. Plan your trip to Chi town soon!

  3. I was told in May of 2013 that my liver enzymes and my sugar levels were elevated. It took me until November to quit. I am closing in on 5 months. I do blood tests again on 5/1. I will be interested to see the change.
    Love this post.

      • Yes. The liver was back in the normal range, thankfully. My sugar was still a little elevated. I didn’t truly fast though. I put 1/2 & 1/2 in my coffee. I would have to guess that the nightly M&M’s aren’t helping. It came down significantly. So one thing at a time, the candy will be next to go.
        Thanks for asking. 🙂

  4. It’s great that you can cross that stuff off your list of things to worry about/talk to your doc about. I came across a list like that only it was a New Years resolution from several years ago and it was something like: Be OK with my drinking, manage my anxiety, wean off the anti-depressants and the therapist. Just like you said, Alcohol. All alcohol. Glad you’re feeling good. Hugs!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s