Are You Sure I Am An Alcoholic?

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted and I’ve often thought of taking this site down.  Thought I probably didn’t need it anymore.  After all, I never crave a drink.  The smell of red wine sickens me.  I love, love, love water.  And don’t feel the least bit envious of those “normal” drinkers.  So, I must be cured!  Maybe I never was an alcoholic after all.  Maybe it was just a habit like smoking was for me.  I didn’t have trouble giving that up (after about a thousand tries).  I certainly never have the desire to smoke again.

Whoa there….did I just say all that?  Haven’t I learned from reading all your posts about relapse?  Am I falling into that same black hole, forgetting what I went through before my Day 1?  Okay, back up.  It’s true about loving water and I really don’t have a desire to drink again.  But I must keep my guard up and never forget who I was 557 days ago and who I am…a recovering alcoholic.

I responded to a tweet yesterday from a woman crying out for help.  I recommended some blogs and she thanked me.  It felt great to be able to help.  Is that why we keep these blogs going?  Perhaps to help those like me…557 days ago.

I really have changed course.  I have intentionally changed my entire life.  I’ve quit drinking which allowed me to quit working (don’t need to pay for the wine anymore), which allowed me to play the piano, read, knit, cook, connect with friends, connect with God, start my day with a clear head and yoga, end my day with a clear head and my happy husband.

Throughout this change however, I must remember a few things.  I have an addictive personality.  It started very young with thumb sucking.  Gosh that was hard to break.  Smoking took hold from age 15 to 30.  Took a bun in the oven to make me stop.  Drinking from age 15 to 60 (and no, I did not stop when I was pregnant.  A little wine was okay back then).  I’m sure if I lit a cigarette I would be right back to 2 packs a day very quickly.  If I drank some wine I’d be shopping for a box of Chardonnay by tomorrow, and if I stuck my thumb in my mouth and pulled the covers over my head….well that would just be ugly.

So I will admit to this dysfunction of mine.  No matter what we title it.  Here’s my mantra:  If it’s bad for you – stay away from it.

Happy Holidays to all of my friends out there.  I wish for you a happy, sober 2015!