Are You Sure I Am An Alcoholic?

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted and I’ve often thought of taking this site down.  Thought I probably didn’t need it anymore.  After all, I never crave a drink.  The smell of red wine sickens me.  I love, love, love water.  And don’t feel the least bit envious of those “normal” drinkers.  So, I must be cured!  Maybe I never was an alcoholic after all.  Maybe it was just a habit like smoking was for me.  I didn’t have trouble giving that up (after about a thousand tries).  I certainly never have the desire to smoke again.

Whoa there….did I just say all that?  Haven’t I learned from reading all your posts about relapse?  Am I falling into that same black hole, forgetting what I went through before my Day 1?  Okay, back up.  It’s true about loving water and I really don’t have a desire to drink again.  But I must keep my guard up and never forget who I was 557 days ago and who I am…a recovering alcoholic.

I responded to a tweet yesterday from a woman crying out for help.  I recommended some blogs and she thanked me.  It felt great to be able to help.  Is that why we keep these blogs going?  Perhaps to help those like me…557 days ago.

I really have changed course.  I have intentionally changed my entire life.  I’ve quit drinking which allowed me to quit working (don’t need to pay for the wine anymore), which allowed me to play the piano, read, knit, cook, connect with friends, connect with God, start my day with a clear head and yoga, end my day with a clear head and my happy husband.

Throughout this change however, I must remember a few things.  I have an addictive personality.  It started very young with thumb sucking.  Gosh that was hard to break.  Smoking took hold from age 15 to 30.  Took a bun in the oven to make me stop.  Drinking from age 15 to 60 (and no, I did not stop when I was pregnant.  A little wine was okay back then).  I’m sure if I lit a cigarette I would be right back to 2 packs a day very quickly.  If I drank some wine I’d be shopping for a box of Chardonnay by tomorrow, and if I stuck my thumb in my mouth and pulled the covers over my head….well that would just be ugly.

So I will admit to this dysfunction of mine.  No matter what we title it.  Here’s my mantra:  If it’s bad for you – stay away from it.

Happy Holidays to all of my friends out there.  I wish for you a happy, sober 2015!

Trish

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11 thoughts on “Are You Sure I Am An Alcoholic?

  1. Good to see you again. Complacency is my worst nightmare. I am only 383 days, but I remain ever vigilant. I have to, I could slip so easily. Unlike you, I still crave a glass of wine periodically. Like when I got out of the shower today. Just random. It is easier to handle now, but it still feels strange.
    Maybe it happens just to keep me on my toes.
    Happy Holidays to you too!

  2. Good tO hear from you. I still have not real cravings but wishes now. I don’t act on them but they’re still there. Congrats on 557 and Merry Christmas to you and fAmily. I will email you with updates after the holidays.
    Sharon

  3. I’m soooo glad to see you’re back! And it’s probably not a co-incidence that I was having the same thoughts as you indicated at the start of your post. I’m at day 69 now and doing fine…but I have stopped drinking before – on 2 occasions – for a year – and maybe a week or two on top of that. Both times my thoughts were that if I was able to stop drinking for a year then maybe I didn’t have a problem after all. That’s my biggest fear this go-round. Thanks for the reminder to keep my guard up!

  4. What a timely post. I am on day 349 and entering into my first holiday season sober. I am beginning to hear those thoughts in my head that maybe I’m not an alcoholic.
    I am not a blogger but I do read the blogs and they help me stay on course.
    Thanks for sharing!

    • Whether we are “Alcoholics” or not doesn’t seem to matter to me anymore. I just know that I don’t like how I am when I drink. I know I can’t stop when I should stop, so I’m just putting that awful habit behind me now. You will do fine with the holidays – and you’ll remember every bit of it!

  5. Well stated! And glad to see you pop your head up here!

    I think we are all guilty of complacency. I know I am. For sure. Those swirling doubts do creep in now and then – can I moderate? one beer can’t hurt, eh? Gahh! No way, Jose. Not for this cat. Like you, I would be at it like it never went away. I know in my heart of hearts that is the truth. So like you on twitter (what is your Twitter handle by the way?) we reach out and help others. Share our own experience – whether it be 15 days, 557 days or 15 years. That’s what helps me stay on the beam.

    Thank you for this!

    Happy holidays
    Paul

    • Hi Paul. My twitter handle is @changecoursenow. I enjoyed your last post and I may write my own related to that. We are all so different, with different baggage, but this one thing makes us so much alike! Happy Holidays to your entire family. Hugs, Trish

  6. Hello, I just wanted to say how wonderful, happy and inspiring I have found your messages, it is day one for me, am starting my own blog which I hope will keep me on the right path to getting my life back. Love and best wishes to all. H x

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