Relationships Matter

I’ve realized that while drinking, I really let my relationship skills wither.  Not that I was all that great at forming and maintaining relationships (let’s call them “friendships”).  I was sort of a loner growing up.  Made up a lot of games that I could play by myself.  But as I grew older I did have a nice group of friends to out with – party with.  I never felt the need to have more than a handful of friends.  They do require some work – maintenance.  I would have to be on-call in case there was a friend emergency; I’d have to be available for late-night phone calls with one-way conversations; I’d need to provide transportation when a friend was stuck with an angry boyfriend; and I’d have to remember their birthdays – probably planning surprise parties and the like.

I know all of this, not because I had that type of friend(s), but because both of my daughters are surrounded by that type of friend(s).  Their friends are their whole world.  They couldn’t imagine life without their friends.  I envy that.  I never really had that (small pity party here).

My best friend became a box of wine and a couch.  So, I let that friend go almost 500 days ago.  Adios.  Now I need some new friends.  Friends I can help out in case of an emergency.  Friends who have my cell number and can call me anytime they want to (even after 5 pm).  Friends I can send a birthday card to (a real one with a stamp), and enjoy a meal with.

I’m really focusing on developing these friendships.  I never knew it would be this time-consuming.  But hey, I think it’s time well spent.

Hugs to all – hope you’re well.

Trish

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3 thoughts on “Relationships Matter

  1. I’m only 17 days out, but am amazed at how interested I am in doing different things, going different places and even more comfortable around people without having to worry about planning everything around the booze. I feel like I’ve been set free. It’s a wonderful feeling. I can’t wait for 500 days!! Congrats!

  2. This is such a terrific post. I’m so excited for you, Trish. I think the best part of the journey for me almost 5 years later is what my wife and me have to offer others. I used to mentor long-term violent offenders in the prison system here in Indianapolis and i met a man that was getting ready to get out. By “happenstance” I bumped into him about a year later at an AA meeting. He was going to be looking for a place to live, so we invited him home to stay with us. It was the best 10-month experience for all of us. He’s now gainfully employed over in Ohio and we keep in touch with him quite regularly. We have a new house guest, a 35-year-old woman who has been sober for 7 months and is working the program. I’ve known her sponsor for years. It’s such a joy for us to be a part of helping people get back up on their feet. All this to say simply this: Be thinking (and perhaps praying) about what you have to give back. You never know what a huge reward it is until you just step out and do something, no matter how small it may seem. Giving back is a significant part of our healing. So I thought I’d just pass that on. Blessings to you, kiddo. Joy and I will be praying for you, too. 🙂

  3. Thanks for your reply Greg. We have opened our home in the past as well, but only to those we’ve known, and international students. Not sure I have the ability to trust anymore – sad as that sounds. But I am learning to be open to people, trying not to prejudge or categorize. It’s definitely a leaning curve.

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